The Wolverine

Yeah it’s not bad. It was fun to watch and just about gets to the quality level of X-Men and X2, which I suppose is something we should all be happy about in light of the third X-men installment and that other Wolverine film.

There are a good amount of stupid moments:

“what was done to me – what I am can’t be undone”  - err yeah it can, remember that third X-Men film where they figured out how to remove your mutation? You were there, the events haunt you to this day…

On that point, framing the film in Logan’s emotional trauma following the events of “The Last Stand” is probably the best part of this film. The Last Stand suffered mainly because it lacked any kind of focus and “Origins” was just a shameless cash-in. Making this film about Wolverine recovering from the events of the third X-Men installment, gives it a meaning that goes beyond “let’s have a big fight.”

Also, making Wolverine an emotionally vulnerable character is the way to go. X2 gave the impression that Wolverine was so traumatised by the event of being filled with Adimantium, that he suppressed the memories of who he was. Of course this was changed by “Origins” which asked us to swallow that Wolverine lost his memory as a result of shot in the head, causing damage to the memory centre of his brain…to digress slightly from this review, that makes no sense. His power is to heal from anything and you’re saying that destroying a particular section of his brain will erase his memories.

If he can heal his physical body from anything to restore it to the condition it was in before and there is a physical part of his brain where his memories are stored, then destroying it wouldn’t do anything. It would heal and be exactly the same as it was before, memories and all.

Saying that Logan was so emotionally damaged by certain events of his life is a far more plausible a way of him becoming the Wolverine that we see in X-Men and all the films that follow it. It’s also an important message about people; even those who are literally invincible can be destroyed when something horrific enough is done to them.

This is exactly what “The Wolverine” does and it moves to get the character back on track, in time for “Days of Future Past.”

So anyway, it’s alright, not great by any stretch of the imagination, but alright, which will do after the last Wolverine-centric films.  

Boy Shoots Grandmother

When I was an 8-year-old child, (a time I can now, depressingly classify as well over a decade ago), I remember that my father owned an air pistol. It was a purely air-powered gun, capable of firing one small pellet at a time, which could put a small hole in plant pot and merely dent anything made of even the thinnest metal. Regardless of this, I was overwhelmingly curious about it and wanted nothing more than to try it out. However it was kept in a place I couldn’t reach and was repeatedly told that I wasn’t allowed anywhere near it.

This I can only assume is because I was an 8-year-old child, who in all likelihood would have shot himself in the face by accident and, if not blowing his brain out, at least maiming himself with it in some way.

I only bring this up in light of a news story that’s come out of Louisiana of an 8-year-old shooting his grandmother after playing grand theft auto.

Apparently the game was to blame for the child’s behaviour, as after playing it he shot his grandmother.

So, a big point to take into account before I launch into this; I don’t understand gaming. I don’t get it, I don’t know why it’s such a big part of some peoples’ lives. I get that most games have a storyline running through them, but in terms of the ones I’ve played (those being Halo and indeed GTA) I really don’t see any difference in what you’re required to do differently as a gamer in terms of story progression. In basic terms the story’s being told like film and every once in a while you come in do exactly the same thing you’ve been doing since day one. There’s no real difference in what you do with the controls in Halo and what you do with the controls in any of it’s one-million sequels. Now generally when I voice this opinion around gamers, they look at me like I just told them that I like to kill domestic pets and knit them into a settee. More than once I’ve been told that I don’t know what I’m talking about and that I’m simply opposed to interactive storytelling. These excuses for me not liking something they love have regularly been a source of remarkable frustration for me and have more often than not caused me to concurrently resent the whole gaming industry for the condescending individuals who sometimes crop up in it’s fan base.

With this in mind, I would like all everyone to take into account the seriousness of what I’m about to say.

Grand Theft Auto (whichever one he was playing) had nothing to do with this child shooting his grandmother. Children are inquisitive and impulsive and if not given firm and clear guidance will act aggressively and without clear and proper thought. That’s why I wasn’t allowed to even get near my father’s air pistol and that’s why this kid should have never been allowed anywhere near a gun. This is story is a prime example of negligent parenting. Even if we assume the child had been told he wasn’t allowed to use the gun, why was it even in a place where he could get it to it? He could have been told that it could hurt and kill people, but why would a child this young think through the consequences of firing a gun?

The child is in the care of his parents – why? They have proved themselves unfit for the task of raising him.

But no, you know what’s going to happen now, Rockstar (who make GTA) are going to have to make a statement saying that they are very sorry and aggrieved for the death of the boy’s grandmother and a lot of people are going to start calling for a ban on violent video games again. And all the while, these two incompetents are going to be free to keep leaving firearms about the place for children to play with.

I don't like gaming (and the full reasons for that can fill up another full blog post at some point) but it is not to blame for this tragedy. The fact that this chid has been left back in the care of these people, who left their gun lying around where someone who could not be expected to understand how dangerous it was, is frightening and a travesty.

Back in Times Doctor Who Series 4: Journey's End Review

Once again, I am bored and in the mood to get annoyed with someone who writes on screen stuff. And this time, my target is Russell T. Davies, the former head writer of Doctor Who.


Ok, so we begin Journey’s End, with some background information already in our minds, from the previous episode: firstly, the Earth has been stolen and lined up with lots of other planets, by the Daleks, who have been brought back again…I’d like to say that when I saw that they’d been brought back, my first instinct was to stop watching, out of protest to the fact that T. Davies can’t go one series without dragging back the Doc Who safety net that is his floating dustbin nemesis’. It just seems slightly unimaginative to end all but one of the series’ he’s managed with the same villain. In fact the, the only thing that really encouraged me to keep watching was thinking back to that one series (series 3) that had had a Dalek-free ending. This gave me hope for Journey’s End, as it demonstrated Davies’ immense skills as a writer, not only was I not expecting the ending of series 3, I was astonished by the villain (The Master) and I found him to be ten times the villains of the previous series…right, where was I? Secondly, Davros (lord and creator of the Daleks) is also back…and Dalek KAAN!!!! [William Shatner voice] is also with him. For those of who: don’t remember, don’t watch Doctor Who or have lives, Kaan was one of the Daleks form the abysmal final episode of series two and that one episode from series three that would’ve turned the whole thing into a shit-box, had it not been for the application of a decent ending…anyway…err…thirdly, the Doctor’s been shot and is in the process of regenerating.
Ok, on with the show.


We open to the Doctor regenerating, he’s changing, but then he pours off the…changy part of regeneration stuff into his spare hand, which he keeps in a jar in the TARDIS – you know, I want to try and explain this for the non-doc who fans, but I can’t be bothered. So he doesn’t change like he normally would.


Meanwhile, Sarah-Jane – I hate Sarah-Jane – is being shot and killed by Daleks…wait, no that’s not what happened, that was just wishful thinking on my part. The particular Daleks, who were going to shoot her at the end of the previous episode, have decided to reduce their killing speed for the convenience of the plot. 


That’s when Jackie and Mickey show up and blast the hell out of them, with some ray-guns…so we now know that that the Daleks have stolen the earth, but it’s alright because the Doctor is here and Rose is here and Captain Jack is here and Donna is here and Martha is here and Mickey is here and Jackie is here and Gwen is here and Ianto is here and Paul Daniels is here and Mr. Spock is here – ok, I got carried away, Mr. Spock and Paul Daniels don’t actually make an appearance, but it wouldn’t have been a surprise if they had. Normally, this sort of overcrowding would worry me, but I was sure Russell T. Davies and had perfectly good story arcs written for all these characters…I mean, I was sure that we wouldn’t end up in a situation where…I don’t know something stupid – like the majority of the cast spending most of the episode sitting around doing nothing.


Anyhow, after Mickey and Jackie are done reminding the audience who they are, we cut back to the TARDIS where the Doctor is busy explaining all the stuff about why he isn’t different and stuff…something to do with his hand that he keeps in a jar…anyway, he and Rose share big teletubbie hug and then the Doctor promptly starts working on a way to beat the Daleks, by utilizing the advantages of his time machine – oh wait no that’s not what happened…although the Doctor would normally do this, for the purposes of the plot, he decides to act completely out of character.


So instead of getting insight into the Doctor’s world saving plan (because he doesn’t have one) we cut away to Gwen and Ianto, who, like Sarah-Jane, were about to be shot at the end of the last episode…turns out that their Torchwood base was equipt with and emergency time lock which froze the Dalek that was attacking them. They can’t leave the base without unlocking the Dalek, so they’re going to have to spend the majority of the episode…sitting around doing nothing.


So, we then go back to the TARDIS, which has been located by the Daleks, who establish a ring thing around it, which disables its main power. The Doctor was too busy hugging Rose and probably trying to think of a good way to ask her for a quickie to actually think of moving it or turning it’s shields on or something like that. 


So the TARDIS and all its passengers get pulled up into the sky and whisked off to the Dalek base thing, just in time to be witnessed by the Sarah-Jane…I hate Sarah-Jane...and Mickey and Jackie, who promptly decide to get captured in order to follow it…this will allow them to…err…sit around and do nothing for while.


We then have to cut away to Martha…because when you’ve overcrowded the cast this much the one thing you need to do is put another cast member into the mix. We know from the previous episode that she has the Osterhagen Key…whatever the hell that is. She teleports herself to Germany, at the angst of her mother, who, in my mind, is kinda on a par with Sarah-Jane.


Meanwhile, the captured TARDIS touches down at the Dalek cruciform thing and the Doctor informs the crew that they’re screwed and the TARDIS is completely disabled. So, he concludes that the best course of action is for them all to go outside and face the Daleks.


This plan is going well, until the TARDIS gets pissy about letting Donna leave and slams the door locking her in. The Daleks aren’t too thrilled about this, so they drop the TARDIS into the heart of their base which is made of stuff that will make it burn, with Donna trapped inside. Everyone starts to panic and shout about this, while down in the TARDIS, everything’s on fire and Donna’s crying. But then she hears a heartbeat from the Doctor’s hand in jar and decides to touch it…it then explodes out and turns into…the Doctor…because that’s what you do when your cast is really overcrowded…you duplicate one of them…


Since Rose isn’t on board, this new Doctor doesn’t have to hug and seek a quickie from her, which provides him with the clairvoyance to utilize his time machine to escape. So he makes it disappear at the precise moment it was supposed to be destroyed, so the Daleks think it’s been destroyed. He and Donna then switch the TARDIS to silent running mode and…sit around doing nothing for a while.
So, meanwhile, the Daleks shoot Captain Jack (who is immortal – but they don’t know that). He feigns death, which allows him to enter a state of not doing anything for a while.


Anyway, back on the TARDIS, we get an explanation of what happened to make another Doctor. Donna gave some DNA, which allowed the Doctor’s spare hand to grow into another Doctor, who’s half-human and sometimes talks like Donna. Once we’ve got that out of the way, they promptly sit around and do nothing.

We the go back to Martha’s story. I’m gonna go through this quickly, because it’s boring. She goes to a castle, meets a German woman who doesn’t like what Martha’s planning to do. Martha uses the age-old tactic of not really giving a shit and doing whatever it is she’s doing anyway.


Up in the Dalek place, Jack escapes from a waste disposal, so that he can run around the Dalek place doing nothing. At the same time, Sarah-Jane…I hate Sarah-Jane…Jackie and Mickey are being brought into a hanger. They escape to a nearby door, which is easily opened by Sarah-Jane’s sonic lipstic. They then witness, as do the Doctor and Rose, the disassembling of the other prisoners, via the REALITY BOMB. This is where it becomes evident what the Dalek plan is. They’re going to use the 27 planets they’ve stolen as an engine and transmitter to destroy reality itself. Because that’s not a dumb idea at all. It is briefly explained by one line of dialogue from a Dalek who says that they’re about to become the only species inexistence, which would be true if they had an “inexistence bomb.”
It is painful how unintelligent this weapon is. Apply common sense, if reality isn’t there then nothing real can be there. Therefore, there is no way to survive the destruction of reality, so the Daleks’ motivation seems to be borrowed from an episode of Star Trek Voyager [geek laugh].


After witnessing the reality bomb in action Sarah-Jane, Mickey and Jackie are preparing to do nothing for a little bit longer, when Jack shows up and deals out some hugs and flirtatious looks. Then Sarah-Jane announces that she has piece of jewelry that doubles up as big explosion. They decide to use to fight the Daleks…after a sufficient period of sitting around doing nothing.


On Earth, Martha’s got all she needs to get the German thing working. She announces that she needs to make a call before she goes any further. And this is where Martha’s story arc starts to really take 
the piss. 


So, up on the Dalek cruciform, they get a phone call from Martha, who explains that she has the Osterhagen Key and then she explains what it does. You see, it’s an extremely sophisticated intergalactic warfare device which has been designed – oh wait…sorry that the wishful thinking getting involved again. No, what it actually is, is essentially a nuclear self-destruct button for the planet, which was sanctioned by UNIT. Now for those who aren’t who-fans, UNIT is the organization that stands in place to protect Earth from alien invasion and threat. And this organization, which is here to protect the Earth, has a policy of blowing it up, if things get a bit too much for them to handle. That is contrived and completely implausible. To use an analogy, I want to protect my house from you (an evil person who wants to burn it down). You come to my house with full intention to burn it down, so I opt to burn it down myself, so that you won’t be able to… what the fuck? The plan defeats the purpose of UNIT.
UNIT are retards and they join Sarah-Jane and Martha’s mother on the hatred par.


Ok, back to the show, Daleks get another phone call, this one from Jack, who presents the threat of blowing everything up, while the hated one stands in the background with Mickey and Jackie.
The Daleks then proceed to beat both of them, by transmatting everyone to where the doctor is. Again, for the non-who fans transmatting is like teleporting, except its called transmatting.


So, Dalek Kaan, giggles a bit and the Doctor looks anxious and Davros reminds everyone that they’re all utter failures and now he’s going to destroy reality…well at least if the Doctor stops him, he’s got the kind of thinking process that could get him a job at UNIT.


Anyway, just as Davros is explaining for the forth time that nothing can stop the detonation of the reality bomb, the half-human Doctor, whose fashioned himself gun thing, slams the TARDIS into full power and lands it the vault thing where Davros and the gang are all chilling.


Rather than designing a gun that fires things, the half-human Doctor has opted for a weapon that will require him to be right next to Davros. So he runs at Davros and get his ass kicked, by his electricity shooting hand. Then Donna runs out and gets shocked too…moron.


So everyone’s been neutralized and Davros feels it’s appropriate to remind them again that he’s about to destroy the whole of reality, because after that two seconds of excitement, the audience would have forgotten that.


Then, the day gets saved by Donna, turns out she got a copy of the Doctor’s brain from his hand, which needed an electricity shooting hand of Davros to activate. She is now effectively a female version of the Doctor. At this point the audience go “ah” at the remembrance of the line of dialogue given to Dalek Kaan in the previous episode, when he described the Doctor as the “three-fold man,” as there are now effectively three version of the Doctor present. It now becomes evident that while Dalek Kaan is the one who rescued Davros, he is also the one who betrayed him and manipulated time such that three Doctors would be here to kick his ass. Kaan’s reasoning for this, is that at soon as he shifted himself back into the time war and saw the whole of time and space, he realized that his own species was evil and therefore he opted to save Davros and manipulate him into getting to here and being beaten by the Doctor…rather than just leaving Davros in the time war to die there instead. This reasoning really doesn’t make much sense, but then again, this is a race who believe that destroying reality will give them the edge in the Universe, so it probably made sense to him.
So the three Doctors go about disabling the Daleks and sending the planets home and what not. Donna deals with the Daleks via some techno stuff that makes them spin around.


Then the big Dalek, who shot Jack, decides to come down and start shooting. Jack blast him with a ray gun that he retrieved from the TARDIS, but not before the big Dalek has smashed up the send-planets-home machine, so the Time Lord Doctor, goes to rig the TARDIS for planet towing… 


While this is going on, the half-human Doctor, encouraged by Kaan, decides to kill all the Daleks, which he proceeds to do via some more techno stuff. This pisses off the Time Lord Doctor, as it doesn’t match his plan of doing shit all about them and then being surprised when they come back in the next series.


So, the Dalek cruciform starts falling apart and the overcrowded cast all get in the TARDIS. Then they tow the Earth home, with some lovely halleluiah music playing. 


Now we get to the ending, the last chance to rescue this overlong, overcrowded pile of excrement.
The Time Lord Doc takes, Rose, Jackie and human doc to the parallel universe, in which Jackie and Rose were locked away in series two. This is where the Doctor’s reasoning starts to piss me off. He says that the human Doctor must remain with Rose so that her love can make him stop being the genocidal maniac, who saved the universe, by actually doing something about the Daleks.


The human Doctor is just like the Time Lord Doctor was, when he first met Rose and he requires her to improve his appreciation for life…ahh…isn’t that nice and romantic…let’s validate that statement, by looking back at Rose and the Doctor and seeing the point at which she made him so much better.
Series one in 2005, in which the Doctor (who regarded Rose as his best friend) couldn’t kill the Daleks, because he considered it too evil to commit genocide, even if it saved the Earth. And series two, where the Doctor (who was by this point in love with Rose) casually committed double-genocide, killing both the Daleks and the Cybermen. Then series three, in which the Doctor (having had two Rose-free years) forgave the Master for enslaving the Earth and trying to take over the universe.
Hate to brake it to you there, Doctor but there seems to be some sort of relationship between Rose not being there and whether or not you commit genocide. In fact as the evidence goes, by your own reasoning, leaving the crazy Doctor with Rose, is just gonna make him worse…of course, this is not really the Doctor’s stupidity, it’s just T. Davies’ writing, because you can’t really expect him to remember the stuff he’s written in the past.


This has gone on for a bit longer than I thought it would, but, as I mentioned, the episode itself is unnecessarily long.

Stuff that Annoys me 3

How I Met Your Mother isn’t funny.

Why do people watch this show? Seriously, the jokes are dated, the running gag about being able to punch Barney is just plain stupid (not because of the violence, but because it just isn’t funny). Also why is a guy as young as Ted constantly looking for someone to marry? Just aim to get laid buddy. The most annoying thing about this is that it has all the ingredients to be a really funny show, but plays it safe, by following a “Friends” formula. They have a good set of comedy actors, who they’re wasting with jokes so unfunny that they require a laughter track to get anything out of them.

Channel 5

Could this channel please start producing programs that aren’t really, really bad? If they’re not pandering to whoever they think will sponsor them most, they’re showing reruns of CSI Miami, which I got along with alright when I was younger, but seriously annoys and disturbs me these days. The Pinnacle of Channel 5’s annoyance crimes has to be the way they’ve somehow made Big Brother even worse.

People who ride their Bicycles around in first gear.

For a start these people are incredibly slow and obstructive to any other road user. Not only that, but do you have any idea how annoying it is watching their feet and pedals go round and round in order to produce next to no movement. Shift that thing into a faster gear for god’s sake!